Monday, June 18, 2012


I had a baby doctor check up today (12 weeks now!!).  It should have been a short visit, quick with the heart monitor and all is good.  But after 10 minutes of not being able to find a heartbeat we were headed down to the ultrasound room.

There was a moment of standing in the room, alone, waiting for the doctor that I had to come to terms with the fact that this may not turn out well.

And so I took a deep breath and prayed- thank you that I have been able to carry the baby this far.  Thank you that this will be okay, even if it doesn't turn out like we thought it would.  Thank you for modern science that gives a shot at knowing better what's going on.

I want to believe that if it wasn't okay, if it was that what we were hoping was not to be the case, that I would still be able to sit and write something about thankfulness.  But I'm thankful today that I don't have to do that.  Thankful that when we turned on the machine, this is what we saw:

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Honesty, Time, Wisdom, and Clothing

I was preemptively thankful for a safe drive home on Saturday but what I really am thankful for (now that I've lived Saturday) is the honesty of a stranger who kindly shut our van doors when the boys left them open and none of us noticed as we walked into the gas station.  He didn't take the iPads sitting in the boys' seats or the bags or the camera or my laptop.  He just shut the doors and found us inside to let us know.  He said something similar had happened to him in Hawaii and he was thankful he could repay the favor.  I'm thankful he did.

I'm thankful that this week the boys are at a scout day camp.  They're able to run around and have fun and shoot arrows and be boys and I have time to get things together at home during this week that is sandwiched between a week in Texas and my upcoming week in France.  And yes, it's nice to have enough time to grab a nap as well! (Silly pregnancy tiredness)

I'm thankful that as Geo was lamenting about one world terror or another, or maybe it was just the hard choice of which tennis shoes he wanted (it felt so Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day-ish) I was able to share the wisdom that thankfulness has been to me.  I was able to explain that at times when it's hard, that the thankfulness always precedes the miracle.  I was able to get him calm and have him repeat thankfulness that we have a Walmart (which is actually something I'm thankful for no matter other people's opinions of the place), that we have money to buy shoes when the old ones wear out (from the abuse put on them by a young boy using them as bike brakes, dragging his feet down the road), that we live in a place where shoes are common and thus protect our feet.  I hope this can be a start of a way he can view these struggles.

And I'm thankful today that my very fashionable SIL loaned me some very cute maternity clothes.  Fashion isn't everything (or even a major thing) but it is a thing and I'm thankful that I will feel put together as the growing belly pushes my standard clothes out of the closet.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Our Week At the Beach

I'm thankful for our 7th year to come down to South Padre Island with LK's family.  We've had changes over the years- LK's grandmother is no longer here, babies born, condos moved- but the family time together still continues to be a blessing.  I'm thankful we both have families we enjoy being around.  I know that is not a reality for everyone but I'm thankful it is for us.

I'm thankful for our safe drive down here, and will preemptively be thankful for our safe drive home tomorrow.

I'm thankful for the fabulous way the boys' hair curls tightly in the sea air.  For the way it bounces as they run into the water (so fearlessly brave these days).  Thankful for their first signs of summer blonde coming out in their hair (may the next baby have good air too!)

I'm thankful for the beach sunrises I've seen this week.  Waking up early at the beach is not something I really ever do.  And maybe it's the pregnancy or just a new stage in life, but I've been up before the sun every day this week.  And I'm thankful this has allowed me quiet time on the deck watching the sun come up over the water.  Oklahoma sunsets are the best hands down, but sunrises over the ocean are hard to beat.

I'm thankful for Geo and his adding one more candle on the cake.  How did 9 years go by already!  I'm also thankful for the special relationship we've been able to form this year.  I know as he gets older it will be more basketball and guy time and I'm thankful for that.  But I'm also thankful for the way he'll come and have chats with me (even if they are sometimes about his fear of the abuse of coal-- no, I'm not kidding).  I'm thankful that he sees me as someone to confide in, someone who's advise is worthy of considering, thankful that even on the weird things, he's willing to talk.

And I'm thankful for my work.  I've had a lot of calls this week and several emergencies to walk clients through.  It's been busier than it normally is for me this week. And I'll admit there's been a moment or two of wishing I could just shut off my phone.  But really, I am thankful for my job.  I counted up that by the end of the year I will take around 50 days of vacation.  And while I'm working on most of those days, there's rarely a job that allows one to go and do as she pleases the way I can.  Especially since those 50 days don't include the day at school for field day or Friday mornings at the kids' Eagle Beat.  So I'm thankful that even at the times this can seem like a shackle- I'm able to remember how freeing it actually is.  And I'm thankful for the blessing of it.